Lunch time

 

Garfieldt’s Guide to Mastering the Art of Hiding: How to Disappear When You Need to

 Greetings, Fellow Felines and Covert Operatives!

Garfieldt here, ready to reveal my top tips for mastering the art of hiding. Whether you’re avoiding unwanted attention or simply seeking some alone time, knowing how to disappear effectively is a valuable skill. Here’s how you can perfect the art of hiding like a pro.

Choosing the Perfect Hiding Spot:

The key to effective hiding is choosing the perfect spot. Look for places that are both out of sight and comfortable. I prefer hiding spots that are cozy, like under the bed or behind a pile of laundry. The more obscure and snug, the better.

Blending In with Your Surroundings:

To disappear effectively, blend in with your surroundings. For instance, if you’re hiding in a pile of clothes, make sure to curl up tightly and keep still. The goal is to become part of the environment, making it difficult for anyone to spot you.

Using Distraction Techniques:

Sometimes, you need to use distraction techniques to draw attention away from your hiding spot. Create a diversion by knocking something over or making a noise elsewhere. While everyone is focused on the commotion, slip away to your hiding spot.

Mastering the Art of Silence:

When hiding, silence is crucial. Avoid making any noise that could give away your location. This means no rustling, meowing, or sudden movements. The quieter you are, the more effective your hiding will be.

Timing Your Escape:

Timing is everything when it comes to hiding. Wait for the right moment to make your move. If someone is approaching, stay hidden until they pass by or get distracted. Once the coast is clear, you can emerge from your hiding spot.

Following these hiding tips, you’ll master the art of disappearing and find the perfect spots for your moments of solitude.

Garfieldt's Book Club: Cat-Approved Reads

When it comes to literary tastes, who better to trust than the lasagna-loving connoisseur himself?  In this blog post, we invite you to join "Garfieldt's Book Club" and explore a curated list of cat-approved reads that have earned the feline seal of approval. 

Let's dive into the world of literature through the discerning eyes of everyone's favorite cat.

1. "The Cat Who Could Read Backwards" by Lilian Jackson Braun  

Garfieldt loves this classic mystery introducing Jim Qwilleran, a reporter, and his clever, no-nonsense, Siamese cat, Koko, who helps solve mysteries. In a world where Qwilleran relies on Koko’s uncanny ability to sense danger and uncover clues, they tackle the mystery of an art critic’s murder.  Reading this book at a leisurely pace on the couch is Garfield's idea of a great afternoon.

2. "The Dalai Lama's Cat" by David Michie

Join Garfield in his cozy corner with this feel-good novel where a stray cat is adopted by the Dalai Lama, giving readers a cat’s-eye view into the serene and spiritual life at a Buddhist monastery. The cat observes the wise teachings and imparts its own brand of feline wisdom along the way. This contemplative, laid-back attitude of the feline narrator is a cat's enthousiast's dream, especially the lessons in napping with a purpose.

3. "Homer's Odyssey" by Gwen Cooper

This heartwarming memoir tells the inspiring true story of Homer, a blind cat whose zest for life and courage transforms his owner’s life. Despite his blindness, Homer’s adventurous spirit takes him on thrilling escapades and proves that being a cat hero doesn’t require perfect vision. Garfield finds Homer admirable, as the story celebrates independence and the importance of comfort—ideals Garfield holds dear.

4. "The Cat Who Went to Paris" by Peter Gethers

This whimsical memoir tells the tale of Norton, a Scottish Fold cat, and his globe-trotting adventures with his owner, Peter. The pair travel the world together, forming a heartwarming bond as Norton’s charm wins over everyone they meet, including the city of Paris. Garfield loves this book for its themes of travel and fine dining, all while remaining delightfully aloof and feline.

5. "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" by T.S. Eliot

A collection of whimsical poems about all sorts of cats, this book served as the basis for the famous musical Cats. From mischievous felines to wise old tomcats, T.S. Eliot creates a world of unique and eccentric cat personalities. Garfield adores the playful portrayal of his fellow felines, especially since the poems capture the complexity and charm of cats without asking them to do anything beyond being themselves.

Garfield's Book Club invites you to expand your reading list with these cat-approved gems. Whether you're in the mood for heartwarming tales, classic literature, whimsical adaptations, or even a glimpse into Garfield's own life, there's something for every reader. So, grab a comfy spot, a cup of coffee, and immerse yourself in the world of literature, as endorsed by the discerning taste of Garfield himself. After all, as he might say, "A good book is like a plate of lasagna – satisfying and best enjoyed at a leisurely pace!" - Links are affiliate.

Garfield being Garfield

 

Garfieldt’s Guide to Surviving a Diet: How to Sneak Treats Without Getting Caught

Are you ready for me to share my top secrets for surviving a diet while still enjoying the treats I love? I'm Garfieldt, I don't do diets. Jon might be on a health kick, but that doesn’t mean I have to suffer. With a few clever tricks, you can enjoy your favorite snacks without anyone noticing. Here’s how!

The Discreet Snack Raid:

When Jon starts talking about dieting, it’s time to execute the discreet snack raid. This involves sneaking into the kitchen when he’s not paying attention and locating any hidden treats. Look for leftovers, snacks, or anything else that might be tucked away. A quick and quiet raid ensures you get your treats without drawing attention.

The Art of Stealth Eating:

Eating treats stealthily is an art form. Find a quiet corner where you can enjoy your snack without being observed. Use your paws to discreetly pull the treat closer and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. If caught, act innocent and blame it on Odie—he’s always a good scapegoat.

Mastering the “Accidental” Spills:

Sometimes, the best way to get treats is by “accidentally” spilling something that Jon has to clean up. For example, if you knock over a bag of chips or a bowl of leftovers, you can enjoy the mess while Jon deals with the cleanup. Just make sure to act as surprised as he is!

The Power of Subtle Persuasion:

Use subtle persuasion to get Jon to share his treats with you. Try the classic “sad eyes” technique or follow him around with a hopeful look. If you’re really good, you might even get a few crumbs or a small bite of what he’s eating. Timing is everything—strike when he’s in a generous mood.

Creating Distractions:

Creating distractions can also help you get what you want. While Jon is busy dealing with Odie or fixing something around the house, take the opportunity to sneak a treat or two. Use the chaos to your advantage and make sure you get your share before things calm down.

With these sneaky tips, you’ll be able to enjoy your favorite treats without sacrificing your diet. Happy snacking!

The Lazy Cat’s Guide to a Productive Day (Without Doing Anything)

 Hello, Fellow Lounge Lovers!

I'm Garfieldt, your resident expert on doing absolutely nothing while still feeling like you’ve accomplished something. Yes, I’ve perfected the art of lazy productivity. If you’ve ever wondered how to get through the day without lifting a paw, read on!

Mastering the Art of Strategic Napping:

The first step in a productive lazy day is perfecting your napping strategy. Don’t just nap anywhere—choose spots that maximize both comfort and visibility. This way, you can keep an eye on everything that’s going on without actually participating. I find the best spot is usually a sunny patch on the couch or a cozy corner of the bed. This way, I stay involved in the household’s activities while conserving energy.

The Power of Selective Attention:

Being selectively attentive is key to maintaining the illusion of productivity. Pay close attention to moments when Jon or Odie are active, then use those times to stay comfortably positioned and observe. If anything important happens, you’ll be the first to know without having to move a muscle. It’s all about knowing when to appear interested and when to zone out.

Perfecting the Art of the Strategic Stretch:

Occasionally, you’ll need to stretch to maintain your aura of laziness. A good stretch can make you look like you’re actively participating in the day’s events while still staying comfortably in place. Stretching is not only a great way to look like you’re doing something productive, but it also helps to keep your muscles loose for those rare moments when you actually need to move.

The Ultimate in Minimal Effort:

If you absolutely must be “productive,” opt for tasks that require minimal effort. For instance, you can help Jon with his work by sitting on his paperwork or lounging on his laptop. This way, you’re still involved in the action without actually contributing. It’s a win-win situation: Jon thinks you’re helping, and you get to stay comfortable.

Embracing the Art of Subtle Influence:

Sometimes, the best way to be “productive” is by subtly influencing others to do the work for you. Use your charm and adorable looks to get Jon or Odie to handle things you’d rather avoid. Whether it’s getting them to fetch a snack or play with a toy, your strategic influence ensures you get what you want while remaining stationary.

Until Next Time,

Remember, being productive doesn’t mean you have to be active. With these tips, you’ll master the art of lazy productivity and make the most of your restful days.